Day 145

May 25, 2022

Relapsed so I sat by the rookery for a couple hours still.

My brain is covered in some sort of liquid gel that is disconnecting all of my synapse firing.  Sentences are not whole and thoughts are scrambled and in bits and pieces, therefore, I feel useless.  That is an awful feeling for me.  I am pathetic.

But it was nice to just stare out at the rookery.  It was 73 degrees, partly cloudy and pretty calm.  Not a whole lot of bird activity, but they were there.  And there are several nests with babies popping their heads up.

Several female ducks were on their own, a wood duck, a mallard, and I believe the female black duck, too.  The mallard hung out on the road with me for 20 minutes.  She was just taking a breather.  

Drove on up and around.  Didn't find the horses, but the cows are out in the fields with the buttercups.  

I was craving the gentleness, but the world has not been gentle recently so I had this dread that there was evil behind the buttercups.  I think I need a couple nights of no coughing and maybe a soak in a hot tub and a cleansing massage.  I am going to work towards cleansing tomorrow.