Fierce Love;
Child love
Trying
to articulate what multiple children do for my heart
Can I describe that sense of “owned by “?
They own a piece of me, their beautiful
hearts, their beautiful spirits,
their laughter possess me with ease,
with delight, with the thickness,
the strength, the embrace,
they possess me.
His
young being placed in my care, dropped
into
my life for a few days, my
responsibility,
the
most important piece of my younger sister’s life,
he
was placed in my care
and
I had to learn quickly how to love him fiercely,
I
learned to love him fiercely
and I still do.
With
EJ I just knew they were meant to be in my life.
The
first time I went away for more than a night
they were about 11 months old.
When I came back they ran into my arms
grabbed
hold of me so tightly,
I
said, “I know, me too, I love you so much.”
And twenty one years later we still message
to
each other nightly
our love, our commitment.
Child
love, fierce love,
I’ve had many,
even my own daughter
whom
I never got to hold,
I
still love fiercely
The
thought of her infant, 2 day old body
alive in a nursery crib, still
clamps my heart.
It
is a physical sensation, a strong pull on my heart.
They
bring tears to my eyes at the thought of them hurting.
I
want to protect him from ever being harmed again.
She
makes me smile with the pride of a hundred lionesses.
He softens my glare with the mere thought of
his tenderness.
I
am wrapped by the long arms of oak trees
bare
in the forefront, defined
by
the setting of the November sun.
I
am held by the whirling wind,
the blowing storm,
the large icy splattering flying
sideways
towards my face.
I
am held still by the force of the love
pounding on my chest.
A child’s
love is stronger.
My mother told me once that her love for our father
was the strongest love she ever felt, that it was deeper and harder than any
other love she ever felt, including for her children, her eldest son who she
worshipped, the rest of us who she adored, but her love for our father was the
most.
I
may have loved my father the deepest, too,
but
forever was not to be.
I’ve
never had that love;
I’ve had love for children who were not mine
but
who were placed into my heart
to be there forever,
to teach,
to be taught by, to hold,
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