sculpture by Ember and Eliza

Day 363

December 29, 2022

Happy Birthday, Eliza Jean

This year really did start for me on Dec. 28, 2022 because it marked the first “50 years ago” milestone of the year most influential in my life, the year that formed my adulthood. The year that crocheted the veil that I’ve worn since. That date was Paul and Molly’s wedding. I was 18 years old and adored my new sister in law. The event was big. My father made it. We all felt he was getting healthier, but this was a big pressure. He’d composed the wedding march, he was so excited for Paul. After the wedding, Sunday, my sister Margie, his best friend Arthur and I drove home from Maryland in the Saab. Arthur drove to NYC and Dad knew he couldn’t drive, so I had to. I wasn’t completely comfortable with a clutch, but it wasn’t my first time either. We were in the middle of Manhattan and I had to get on to roads headed North. I had to stop and start at toll booths on the Merit Parkway. I had to get us home, which I did, but when we got there I was a nervous wreck. My father offered me a drink. I have no memory of whether I took it or not. I did, however, feel as though I just came through for everyone, getting us all home from an incredibly happy event. Little did I know what it was the beginning of.

 The next big thing that happened a year ago was the birth of Eliza Jean Tilton. One year ago today she was born to two happy parents and several households full of very excited relatives and friends. It has been such a joy watching the first year of this child’s life, watching her parents learn to be parents, watching her take in the world and express herself so uniquely. I’ve been so honored to be let into the family so often. Joy was the beginning of this year, a year of very hard anniversaries, teaching me once again that they are all woven together into one blanket to be experienced together. 

We have lost people this year, most importantly, Barb. My relationship with Barb was complex and her death confusing and sad. I went on line to look for a picture I thought she had of Dad, her and me, but I couldn’t find it. Instead I found postings that her friends have been putting on her wall and that made me so happy. It will take me a long time to sort out my feelings, but at the moment it just feels like a hole.

photo, Stephen Valentine.  Wilton Christmas party 1965

1st b'day, photo by Ember

 Another 50 years ago piece of joy was January 16th which I don’t even know if I wrote about but I’ve thought of it often this year. Mom played the solo for Debussy’s Afternoon of the Fawn for the Greenwich Philharmonic that weekend. It was our custom to go out to dinner after the Sunday afternoon concert. That day we went to New Salem, NY with Arthur, Belle Tierney, Phyllis Cornell, Paul, Molly, Barb, Andy, me, (I’m missing some names) Mom and Dad. I think there were 16 of us at the dinner, it’s funny what you remember and what you don’t. But we were such a happy excited and interesting group and we got along and laughed. Stories were told and memories of the war and how people had met each other. We felt that Daddy was getting better and that he might see his way out of his depression. 

 And of course the next anniversary is his death. Gone on March 11th at Molly’s 21st birthday party, he was again surrounded by great people, good food and laughter. 

 Now this year my play was produced by the end of March, an extraordinary endeavor, a real high for me on so many levels. I was so honored by the team that worked on it with me. I was so very happy I got Annie to be by my side throughout it all. It was so very healing and created a whole circle. I was completely and utterly energized by the entire experience. Every Moment of Every Day kicked me to the next tier of my life.

Home to the rookery, yay. Actually I didn't go anywhere away from Ember's house for three days except my little walk with Ozzie yesterday.  I loaded up the car to come on home and was kind of amazed how distant I felt from my real life, but now I'm back and have touched base with the rookery and the Coop, so I'm back.